Satan to Robertson: 'Great work, Pat' [Update]

Via adroit wordsmith Lily Coyle in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune Letter of the day column, Satan says:

Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating.

You have of course heard that Robertson blamed both the earthquake and Haiti's long-standing poverty on a pact with the devil, ignoring both the Enriquilla-Plantain Garden geological fault rupture and the determining impact of history since Haiti's slaves rose up and threw off their chains.

Ms. Coyle, with whom we are not acquainted, understood immediately how contrary Haiti's predicament is to popular legend. Thus Ms. Coyle's Satan protests:

If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

She closes on a satisfying series of zingers, you can read here.

Update

Ms. Coyle's Satan did not address himself to Southern Baptist pastor and birther Wiley Drake, who half-joined the Robertson chorus, according to The Orange County [Calif.] Register:

“I don’t know that God brought that earthquake or not,” Drake said. However, the misfortunes of the country - including its extreme poverty, ongoing political turmoil and frequent natural disasters - could be repercussions of the alleged deal with Satan, he said.